I'm not very good with goodbyes. I always rush through them and when I'm done and sitting alone, I think and regret all the things I should have and could have said. This platform has been amazing. I've learned so much about my love to write and capture. I don't think I will ever be able to stop, even if I was told that I could be paid millions of dollars to. But all good things must come to a close and this blog is one of them. I've been contemplating it for a while now and I've tried to change it so many times. I've tried to design it so that I would love it once more, but it has lost it's spark. This blog has become my public diary and has been the only way that I could express my thoughts when I was sad and writing was the only thing that seemed to cheer me up. I've written about everything. When I started this blog, I was in the seventh grade afraid of everything. I was so full of self doubt and couldn't get myself to look in the mirror and be happy with what I saw. I am no longer that scared little girl,and it's time to let her go completely. This book will last forever as long as the internet exists,there's no way I could ever bring myself to erasing it's history completely, but I think it's time for me to open up a new story. A new chapter.
start from a blank slate
and this is it
xoxo Ankita
every night i take a shower. I let the day wash away. let the water cleanse any bad away with some soap and scrubbing. I turn off the lights. I let the darkness enclose me. Tuck me away and blend me in. I listen. I listen to my running thoughts, the tap is never turned off, so the words keep flowing through my mind. I crack op en my window. Let the cold air bite me and the crickets sing me a lullaby. The constant noise calms me down. I climb under the covers. They shield me from anything that had gone wrong. Wrap me up and never let me go. Then, I listen. Listen for the heartbeat, my heartbeat. It pounds back against the eery silence. It shows me that it has made it, through another long day.It’s as strong and alive as ever. Loud and clear. She is here and so I close my eyes and fall away into the night to the sound of the quick heartbeats and midnight hums.
Ankita Bhat
Message Box #1
never answered
As i scrolled my mouse over message a question mark appeared. I felt the need to write to you. I have no questions, i also have no answers for anything that I could ever question. I'm in a rut. In a rut about everything and nothing. I feel like I'm losing myself and I don't know how to find myself and sometimes I don't know if I ever want to. That's what scares me most of all. When those who are lost are finally found they are overcome with joy like no other; but i don't want to feel that joy. I like being in my constant bitterness covered with the chill of the December that has been long gone. My mind is not at peace but not in motion. I'm stuck in the middle between happiness and sadness; not leaning more to one side or another. When will I be finally free from these things that I see and beg for a plea to get out of this dangerous sea?
Ankita Bhat
