Tired

I'm tired. I'm tired of people thinking it's ok to joke around about everything I do. You have no idea what's going on in my head. It's as if everything I say has no worth. My thoughts empty. If i do anything I get critisized. If i do anything people poke at the wrong. The way I say things. The way I do things. Every day I have to live with everything you are picking at and ridiculing. I get that you're just joking around but there comes a point when i can't take it anymore. I am not strong. I don't have thick skin. Everything gets to me. Every word that is spoken that makes fun of me or critisizes me replays in my head minute after minute. Day after day. I'm sorry doesn't fix things. Those two words have lost their meaning. I'm sorry is sorry less. There is no emotion in it. Everyday I have anxiety and ocd and I can't do anything about it. Everyday if anything is less than perfect or doesn't meet my standards I break. If I'm not good enough for myself what is the point. It is in my head and I've learned to hide it. Cover it up with a smile. Try to create a glimmer in my eyes to hide the stress and annoyance and sadness. I'm fighting with myself on a daily basis yet no one knows. One word can ruin my day and I won't be able to stop thinking about it. That's the kind of person I am. I don't know how to let it go. Or relax or appreciate what I have because there is always something that I find wrong. I can always find that thing that will ruin my day. I am constantly comparing myself to something that I will never be. Creating standards that I will never meet so that I never fail to fail. I don't fail. Ever.