Sometimes I wish it were harder for me to breathe;

I would appreciate 

I would want to breathe 

I would want to smell the fresh air

I would need it

But

Now 

Sometimes 

I wonder what would happen if it stopped 

If nothing made its way to my lungs anymore

How it might feel better;

Then gasping the air that makes up my reality

I don't want to smell the commercial sweetness making its way to my essence

To feel the surrounding stares choke out every last word that leaves my lips

I don't want

Not now

Not ever

Not til my last breath