Me

If my past self were to look at me now

She would be upset

She'd wonder why I did the things I did;

When there were other things that could have been done

She'd wonder when the spark was lost 

and 

how quickly it disappeared

She'd ask "why"

Over and over 

When did things change?

When did she and I let the spark simmer down?

When did we let the darkness take over the light? 

Let our screwed thoughts take over the knowledgeable ones.

I don't know

But I do know that I don't want my future self to look back 

And 

Regret

To think about all the bad things

To remember these days as the ones she'd wish she could forget 

The ones she wished didn't exist

The drowning years 

The ones that were 

s t u c k

Between adolescence and adulthood

Losing yourself in the most confusing of ways

Fingers losing grip at everything that surrounds

And it needs to stop

I will make a change 

Of 

O U T L O O K

Try to find the magic that was once there

Take myself out of the pity and hatred my mind felt the need to create

Take the positivity in

And

Let the negativity out

I don't need to pretend that I'm happy all the time

B U T

I don't need to hide in a shadow that have created

to prevent me from doing the things I once loved